This week, I kinda had a dream shattered. And I am sad about it. I am trying really hard not to be, but humanly speaking..I just am. See we live in a parsonage. and we have for the last 4 years. It is a lovely home with space and an outside area that my kids can play in. I have loved decorating it and entertaining in it, but I have had the whisper in my head that reminds me often. It does not belong to us.
I try to tell myself that the majority of home owners do not own their homes either...the bank does, but still.. they are working towards owning it. We are not.
I dream of a place my kids can leave home and come back to. They can come and rest from college, they can bring potential spouses. A place they can eventually bring grand babies to. And this week, I thought I had found it. A house with land and lots of rooms and this is what you see looking over the back porch.
|a red barn. Oh how I love red barns. Be still my heart...|
I even talked Greg into going and looking at it. It is not too far from the church, but there are mountain views and I sure do miss my mountains. Many bedrooms for my many kiddos as well. AND it is being sold at a sweet price.
And then we found out that this was not meant to be.
and I am sad, but at the same time looking with perspective at all I have been given and I know I have little reason to be disappointed when I have been blessed so richly.
I was struggling with this all day and the verses the Lord brought to me was Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the Lord with all thine heart, lean not unto your own understandings. In all thy ways acknowledge Him and He will direct thy path.
Verses so familiar to me I could quote them asleep, but I have always applied them to directing my physical path.. as in decision making... which path do I physically need to cross. But today, the thought came to me, "What if it is a mental path that I am needing direction on. To not be whiny and ungrateful, but a path of thanksgiving and gratitude". That's a hard path to walk when you almost had a big red barn in your back yard.
But I am also reminded that He knows me better than I even know myself and He knows the desires of my heart.
He knows where I need to live and the lessons I will learn from living in a parsonage ( why, yes of course I would love to sign another package that was suppose to be delivered to the church and thanks so much for ringing the door bell ..yes, I did just put the baby down for her nap) ( can you tell I am still struggling here a bit?) or a house with a big red barn that belongs to my family.
He knows the path we need to take and He knows mentally how to guide me down the right attitude path that I so desperately want to be on.
So tonight... I am just sitting in the fork of the mental road. Waitin for His direction.